My Amazing Words of Wisdom....now 30% wiser.

My Words of Wisdom: Save time today by watering your plants while taking a shower.

My Words of Wisdom: Don’t judge a book by its cover, watch the movie instead.

My Words of Wisdom: The next time someone tells you to be quiet, quietly kick their ass.

My Words of Wisdom: Live your life…or else.

My Words of Wisdom: Don’t trust an Eskimo who doesn’t eat Eskimo pies.

My Words of Wisdom: If you can’t trust yourself who can you trust? That’s why you should trust no one.

My Words of Wisdom: Good things come to those who wait, except for those people who don’t wait and have the time of their life.

My Words of Wisdom: Why run a mile when you can sit on the couch?

My little brilliant idea

my brilliant idea..for halloween a couple should go as taylor swift & kanye. i might go as Pizza the Hut or as Ralphie in the bunny suit from a xmas story.  Yes that is me in the bunny suit for halloween when I was a little boy.  Here is a picture for a side by side comparison to Ralphie.  Thanks mom...

They took away my thunder...

So my friends just had a baby today. They posted it on Facebook so it kind of makes my big annoucement about what I'm having for lunch seem not as important anymore. Ham sandwich. Thanks for stealing my thunder look at me look at me friends.

Reeses Pieces

I know the Reeses candy brand creator passed away in the 50's. I wonder if he is resting in Pieces?

Thunderstorms = Attention Whores

So I am watching the great thunderstorm and I'm thinking to myself...okay big bright, beautiful thunderstorm...no one likes a show off. Be more humble like the moon.

That just happened....

just swatted a fly....murder was the case that they gave me.

What the?

Thought I just overhead a dolphin singing “She poppin she rollin she rollin….I’m in love with a flipper”

Give Me a Quote

I have a stick and a stone and ready to break someone’s bones. No words needed.

Amazing Thoughts

I'm going to advance my work career by releasing a homemade sex tape. Seems to work for fake, talentless “celebrities”. Instead of night vision my sex tape will be in 3D.

Now Taking Subscribers

I am now taking subscribers again for a limited time only! The first 10 subscribers get a not so personal email thank you response from me! So go ahead and subscribe...it's so easy a caveman can do it.

Not Taking Subscribers

Currently I am not taking any new subscribers. As you can see from my vast list of subscribers to the right, this blog is overloading with subscribers and I'm worried the system won't be able to handle it. Send me an email and I will put you on the waiting list. However, like Vegas if you are on the guestlist or have a big group of beautiful women with you, then you can subscribe....you still have to pay the entrance fee though...a blogger gots to eat.

My Brilliant Plan #1 - Save My Heroes

Growing up my childhood heroes were the hometown minor league triple A baseball team the Albuquerque Dukes. They were true patriots of Albuquerque, The Duke City. Our mayor didn't tell anyone they were thinking of moving the team to Portland, Oregon and before we knew it they were gone with the wind and became the Beavers. Here I was a little kid grown man yelling crying my eyes out to my mom. Cue years later an episode of The Simpsons aired where Springfield's baseball team, The Springfield Isotopes, moved to Albuquerque. Simpsons did it! so sure enough the power of The Simpsons caused our city to vote to have the name of our new baseball team be the Albuquerque Isotopes instead of The Dukes. I wanted to bashed my head into my living room wall in disgust. I didn't know what to do...I felt helpless...my team was gone. I looked for spiritual guidance. Like Homer Simpson said "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!” Superman, your country needs you...I need you big man.

Once again I have formulated another stupid amazing, brilliant plan! I wrote a Simpson's episode script and sent it to the writers of The Simpsons. The episode is an original piece called "The Universe Restored" which is about Springfield's baseball team, The Springfield Dukes, moving the team to Albuquerque. Because the Simpsons did it!....the people of Albuquerque will then want to change the baseball team's name back to the original and rightful name of the Albuquerque Dukes and my world will make since again. Surprisingly I haven't heard anything back about my script yet...

Give Me a Quote

May have their differences but I would never discriminate or be racist based on color.....I love green and red the same.

Give Me a Quote

"Paul Garcia is awesome!" - Paul Garcia

Give Me a Quote

Things can only get better....well unless they get worse.